I've bluffed my way out of situations before but telling a bad comic that I have plans on the night of their one person show versus smuggling contraband into a correction facility are far apart on the scale of what is considered an acceptable lie in my book. I realized I haven't the stomach for law breaking and was a nervous wreck for much of my four hour visit with Dad.
After a few minutes of basic chit chat, Dad wondered why my fiance' Christian stayed in the car. I explained to him that I wanted a contact visit and Christian & I aren't married yet so they aren't allowed contact. I figured this way I could get a contact visit and, as an added bonus, Christian could shoot some video of me and Dad since cameras aren't allowed inside.
Dad insisted he didn't care about a contact visit and Christian should have come inside for a visit behind glass. He spoke too soon though as he forgot about the perks of contact: smuggled goods.
"I wanted to get you a hamburger but Dairy Queen wasn't open at 9:30 AM," I signed. I quickly looked over my shoulder at the guard and saw the coast was clear. I continued, "I have gum in my pocket."
My dad immediately reached for it. Christian who? I dug it out of its hiding spot and he quickly began unwrapping it. Since snacks are allowed and the guard was far enough away to not know what we were munching on, I felt pretty secure about Dad's indiscreet ravenous display of desperate lust over a jumbo pack of Wrigley's.
He was prepared to take one for himself without offering one to me but I called him on it. He handed me the first piece then quickly got out another and unwrapped the silver foil. He folded the sugary sweet gum onto his tongue and hungrily began chomping with his front teeth since all his back ones have been pulled or knocked out from fighting with other inmates. It took only three or four chews for the burst of flavor to overwhelm him. He closed his eyes and leaned back with arms outstretched as though he were praising Jesus.
"Long time," he signed with an expression of wonderment. "Taste different. Long time."
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