Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Petty Officer & A Gentleman

Moving in to your horse's barn because your trailer got repossessed is what some folks might call a low point. It was time for a drastic change, so my parents moved us to the big city of N. Richland Hills, TX.

It was there -- when I was 16 -- I met a 22 year old Sailor. It was love at first sight. It was greatest four weeks of my life. The Petty Officer from Akron, Ohio, was shy, tan and muscular and drove a white Trans Am with a fake vent on its hood. Mom said he looked just like JFK, Jr. The movie Top Gun had just been released so when I first saw him covered in grease from working on an F-14 Tomcat I thought my uterus would crawl out of my vagina and snatch him whole and devour him like a hungry Venus flytrap from a Roger Corman flick.

But the movie that really predisposed me to falling for the Petty Officer was An Officer and a Gentleman. At 16, I was already either too bitter or headstrong to think that I, or any woman, needed a Prince Charming to save her but in the final scene when Richard Gere scoops up Debra Winger –- his love literally lifting her up where she belongs out of that factory –- well who hasn't at one time or another want to be rescued from their despair no matter how big or small?

Ft. Worth had not provided the reinvention we expected. In fact, things only got worse. Instead of driving 45 minutes one way to get drunk, now Dad just had to stumble across the street to Bennigan's.

It was the summer before my senior year in high school. Mom was making decent money working 80 hours a week building helicopters. I turned 17, was poised to graduate with summa cum laude honors and supplemented our income with a full time job at Malibu Grand Prix. So, after 23 years of drunken, stoned mayhem and Dad's blatant adultery, Mom finally filed for divorce. Dad didn't exactly agree. Things got dramatic and nasty and, well, have you seen the show Cops? That was us.

Mom allowing the Petty Officer sleep over only made Dad angrier. After all, it was Dad who gave me the sage advice on my first date: "Don't fu*k. I don't want you pregnant I want you to graduate and go to college." Seeing his "baby girl" get swept up into the arms of an officer and a gentlemen made Dad more possessive than ever.

Being in the Navy meant the Petty Officer had to go on leave once in a while. This time it was a two week stint on the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower. His first day away, Dad took the opportunity to break in and slash all of Mom's clothes with a knife. We were pretty rattled by this and needed stress release. That day, Mom asked with a glint in her eye, "Do you want to smoke a joint?"

My mother wants to get me, her high school daughter, stoned?! Are you kidding me?

Umm...Hell, yeah!

She whipped out a joint; we got high and got the bright idea to go to Six Flags. We were dirt ass poor so we counted out all our loose change and found a buy one get one free admission offer on the back of a Dr. Pepper can. We got to Six Flags where a guy walked up and said, "Hey I bought these passes for the week but we're leaving town tonight so can't use them. You want 'em?" Good things happened to stoned people, I guess, because that meant we had money for FOOD! We ate ridiculous amounts of coney dogs, cotton candy and elephant ears and rode every roller coaster twice before coming home and collapsing. It was one of the best days of my life.

The next night my dad broke into the house again. This time he punched dozens of holes in the wall, held us hostage for hours, choked Mom and held a knife to her throat before I was able to stop the attack and call 911.

A few days later Mom and I were evicted for excessive noise disturbance and a few days after that the Petty Officer came back from sea. When he did, my uterus didn't devour him instead it smothered him with so much love he had no choice but to marry me.

Twenty years ago today, on Friday the 13th of January, 1989, after a long day of school and rehearsal for my role as "Lady Bracknell" in our senior play The Importance of Being Earnest, the Petty Officer and I loaded into the Dodge Omni and Mom drove us to the courthouse. Mom signed the marriage license granting us legal consent. Basically a permission slip like a field trip to the zoo except with a dowry from the US Government in the form of housing and dependent pay. After a couple of quick "I Dos," a judge declared me a Navy wife.

My Richard Gere had saved my pathetic Debra Winger ass and we rode off into the sunset in his white Trans Am.

Getting hitched at the courthouse.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Happy New Year

I received the first letter of 2009 from Dad. (Click thumbnails for larger views. He dated it 2008 by mistake.)

He starts off by commenting on an ad campaign I created around the tagline "Life's tough. Laugh more." I sent him a postcard (pictured below) that is part of the print campaign.


Anyway, he liked the idea and thought the card was really cool. He also thought I should be the girl with the dress in her pantyhose because I have a nice butt like my mother. Ack! HAHA! (He's JOKING, of course!) He thought it so cool he asked that I create a card for him, too. In his letter he asks "Can you make this card with a picture of myself on card (you had a picture of me with white cowboy hat)? And put words with (I am the happy warrior for deaf inmate's rights, Jailhouse lawyer Cigo Crews.)"

Some of you may recall, Dad is determined to help the Deaf inmates. Read about that here.)

Here is the front of the card I created for him. He'll be really surprised, I think, at the ASL font I used. The back simply has plain text as he requested. I don't think I'm allowed to laminate it due to jailhouse rules. I'll have to wait for Dad's reply to know if I can.  

If you're interested in having the font for your own use, it is free online here: http://www.lapiakdesign.com/lapiakasl.html

His letter continues and he apologizes for not sending a holiday card this year. "But no problems I know you understand that all men do not caring about cards Ha."
This is true. My husband's father used to just look at the return address then toss them UNOPENED.

He goes on to talk football, OU Sooners, the Heisman Trophy and his picks for the Super Bowl. All his choices are out except Pittsburgh, though he's not a fan.

Finally, he admits that he spent all the money I sent him for the holidays on sweets. The watch and boots he wanted are still out of stock at the commissary so he couldn't resist spending his savings on food. "Also, I got tempting to buy more sweeties & foods." Ha I am broken Ha. Don't get mad at me for spending on stuffs. Sorry I cannot to be strong to keep the money as holding until Watch or Boots at Store. Love, Daddy."

No, I'm not mad. It wasn't THAT much money considering it was the holidays and all. I'll just wait to send anything more than $20 for when I know they're in stock.

That's that. Overall a very upbeat letter to start the New Year. He's finally out of solitary confinement after over a year, so let's hope the trend continues and 2009 is peaceful for him.

For fun, here is the TV commercial that is part of the above mentioned ad campaign that just started running in NYC. That's me in the commercial. For the next one, I'll be casting a Deaf actor. I can't wait! This one is not closed captioned, but there's not really any dialogue. There is a sound cue though: the guy farts in the elevator before I get in with him.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Memories from My Old Country Home

I sent an old friend from Montgomery, TX my yearbooks from our 6th, 7th, and 8th grade years and she mailed me her senior year yearbook.   I knew some of the students since I was seven years old. If we hadn't moved to Ft. Worth before my 10th grade year, I would have graduated with them. So it was genuinely interesting and also kind of heartwarming to see them in a way I hadn't seen them before: older than when I left them, about to embark on a new phase of their lives.

After going through the Facebook Page I mentioned below, Mom decided to mail me some old photos I don't have and some other notes and tidbits she's kept over the years to add to the page.

And, best of all, as a Christmas surprise, my brother mailed me an old wrought iron bell in the shape of a longhorn.  We used to ring it when we wanted my horse Charlie Brown to come back to the barn for food or I wanted to saddle him up for a ride.  It's been through a lot, not unlike me, my brother and mom.  Looking at it brings back so many memories and I'm grateful to him for sending it.  I'm going to hang it alongside an old kerosene lamp my mom mailed me a year or so ago.  We used to use the lamp in the months before we had electricity.  The knob to raise and lower the wick is rusted and stuck, so I doubt it will be in working order again but, like the bell, it's a lovely inspiration and a reminder of my country roots displayed in my New York City apartment.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Proud Mommy

I was cleaning up my computer and email folders for the New Year and came across this email from my mom.

The only praise a daughter needs is that from her momma!

Monday, January 05, 2009

Facebook Page

Happy New Year!

For those of you on Facebook, there is a page for my upcoming memoir about life with Dad. The page includes the feed for this site, photo albums with never before posted pictures, and videos (only three now, one is not closed captioned {yet}, and the other two have no sound so no CC necessary).

The page also has details on my upcoming performances or media appearances. So, if you're on Facebook and are so inclined, you can click on the "Become a Fan" link. By doing so, you can also post your own discussion items, comments, receive direct email updates from me, etc. Here's the link:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kambri-Crews/55559482928 

I hope everyone's 2009 is off to a splendid start!
More blogs about love daddy.