Were you worried about Dad's suicide threat? If so, relax. He says he won't kill himself now because it's football season.
I purchased him Phil Steele's College Football Preview at his request and threw in the NFL preview for fun since the nice lady on the phone gave me half off the whole order for no reason. Apparently, they are awesome as Dad wrote to apologize for not writing sooner after receiving the issues "because Fatherfu*ker I got addicting to read them whole two weeks." And the studying worked because he won first place gambling on parlays last week netting him $45!
If you've read this blog for a while, you know this is something of a miracle. Dad, for as much as he knows about football and the players, never wins. I've paid off prison gambling debts for him and reduced the amount I give to his monthly trust fund to keep his habit in check.
Despite the win, he was still a loser. See, in prison, the money equivalent is food and he said they all eat nothing but junk. He had to do some trading to net some cruddy instant soup.
He also has another reason to live: A Daddy Long Legs spider in his prison cell that he's keeping as a pet. How he does this, I don't know. Just by not killing it or sweeping away its web? He has been feeding it bugs, though. He wasn't sure of its sex until another spider came along. They mated and now his pet has a sac of eggs on her mouth. His spider being female he has named her "Daddie." It'd be much better if he had a bird named "Jake" like Brooks did in Shawshank Redemption. A spider?
Maybe he can get Daddie to spin words like Charlotte did in Charlotte's Web. It saved Wilbur. Daddie could spin things like: "Some inmate!" "Innocent!" "Law Abiding!"
Prison (and loneliness) makes you do weird things.